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A Means to an End
"A Means to an End" is the 2nd episode of Once Upon a Virus. Summary Josh tries to work out the best way to go about getting rid of Joseph Kahn as quickly as possible, but worries when his daughter forms an attachment to the young man. Meanwhile, Natalia Grant/MaryPierceLopez tries and fails to convince Joe of his true heritage. And in the Wikia world that was, Reginafan2626 goes about enacting the Virus - but nobody said it was gonna be easy. Plot "Wh… what?" Joe asks, "Shouldn't I call a doctor or something?" "No, just be quiet," Natalia tells him, "There's something I need to explain to you." "Jdg98, that's what you said. You called me Jdg98. How did you…?" "That's your true name," Natalia assures him, but Joe wonders how the hell she knows who he is. "Will you please just let me talk?" she begs, "Before you call the nurse, just give me a chance to explain everything." "O… okay," Joe eventually agrees, and Natalia takes a deep breath before beginning: "There are a group of lands known as websites located through what this realm calls 'the Internet', I'm from one such website called Wikia." "What are you—" "Shush!" she exclaims, continuing with her explanation, "Anyway, 21 years ago, the Evil Bureaucrat – which I guess you would call a King – enacted a powerful Virus that uploaded everyone in Wikia to this place. This town; Storywik, Maine." Joe just continues staring in confusion; Natalia continues, "Nobody here is who they think they are. Their real names are streams of random words and numbers, but after the Virus, they all think they're citizens of this town. They don't remember their old life." "This is ridiculous," Joe finally says, "You said this happened 21 years ago, how haven't they—" "They don't age. Time here is frozen. Well, hopefully not now that you're here…" "Me? What on Earth to I'' have to do with this?" Joe asks. "Well, you're the Antivirus," Natalia tells him. "What now?" She rolls her eyes, and goes into yet another explanation, "You are descended from two heavily magical bloodlines. That of Rena Charming and that of Lady Junky. You were born in Wikia as well but you were transported here as a baby. That's why you're an orphan. That's why you were found where you were." "How do you kn—" "Years ago Rena Charming and Lady Junky's ancestors were at war with one another but eventually made it so their magic couldn't harm one another when they reconciled. Anyway, that's a tad irrelevant. The point is, with both of their ancestors' DNA running through you, you should realistically be ultimately powerful. Hence, you are the Antivirus." "Um, did you really just use the word 'realistically'?" "Hush!" she yells, "Let me finish." "Oh, that's not all?" "The Virus has an expiration – one which Reginafan2626 had no idea about." "Who?" Joe wonders, and Natalia explains that he's the Evil Bureaucrat – "But the point is, after 21 years, the Virus will… deteriorate. Everything it's caused will be undone, including this town. Everyone in it will die. That's why they need ''you. You have to deactivate the Virus before it has a chance to expire." "But you said it's been 21 years already. Shouldn't we all have… deteriorated by now?" Joe asks, not believing the ridiculousness of his own words, but Natalia adds, "There's a leniency of about 3 months." "So you're saying that, in 3 months, everyone in this town will die?" "Exactly," Natalia says. "You're crazy." "I'm not! I promise, you just have to give me a chance. I swear, I'm telling the truth. You have to help me. You have to save eve—" "Nurse!" Joe calls, "Nurse!" Soon, Joanna Seer comes running in. "What is it?" she calls, and Joe points out that Natalia is awake. "My name isn't Natalia; it's MaryPierceLopez!" she insists, but Joanna remains in a state of shock. She quickly turns to Joe and tells him that she looked over his chart and he's in "tip-top" shape, so he's free to go. Joe nods to Natalia and leaves the hospital, despite her cries of protest. "Shhh, dear. You must be so traumatized. But we're gonna take excellent care of you. Now, we may need to run a few tests, but I'm sure you'll be fine through all of them. Oh, and we may need to take a blood sample." Blood is seen pouring down the walls of Rena and Lady's castle's dungeon; soon enough, it takes the form of DeviousPeep, who stands across from Reginafan2626 as he remains locked in a cell. "Be still my beating heart," she says once she's solid, startling the Evil Bureau into realizing she's there. "Reginafan2626, as I live and breathe," she adds with sarcasm biting her voice. "What are you doing here, Peep?" he asks, rather bored, to which she says, "It's almost as though you're not excited to see me, and I know that can't be true, so why so glum, chum?" "It may have escaped your notice," he says, "But I'm locked up in my own damn palace!" "Oh… that. What if I told you there was a way you could not be locked up in your own – damn – palace?" "What are you talking about?" he wonders, to which the witch explains, "I need you to do something for me, and in exchange I would be obliged you let you out of this rather drab little cell." "And what exactly is it you want me to do for you?" he wonders. "What if I told you there was a way for you to get everything you ever wanted: your daughter's affection… for her to marry the man you wanted her to marry… to kill that little life form that's currently squirming around in her belly… and to preside over everyone in this website for eternity, destroying the happy endings of the people that hated and imprisoned you." "Again – what are you talking about?" Reginafan asks, and Peep tells him, "You know about Viruses, I presume? Well, there is one more powerful than all the others. One capable of uploading everyone in Wikia to a whole new land. Their memories will be wiped and replaced with new ones of your choosing – providing you agree to be the one to enact it – and you will once again rule over them in timeless infinity. So tell me, do you agree to be the one to enact it?" Reginafan considers Peep. "What do you get out of this?" The witch smiles and says, "My agendas shall remain my own – the point is, doing this will benefit you. Unless of course you don't want what this Virus offers you and would prefer to spend the rest of your days rotting in a dungeon?" Reginafan contemplates the offer for a while and says, "Okay. Free me." "My pleasure," Peep says with a smile; she runs her hand across the lock of the cell door and it opens with a simple click. Reginafan2626 steps out, his magic returning instantly, and he makes a ball of fire in his hand, gleeful at the sensation. "Alright," he says, "Give me this Virus." Peep laughs, and tells him, "Oh, I don't have it. The memory stick which contains it is locked away. You must retrieve it if you want to use it." "You didn't mention that was part of the deal." "Didn't I? Oops," she says, her smiling widening even more. Reginafan sighs, "Where is it locked away?" Peep's smile grows to full capacity as she reveals, "In the Community Wiki, of course. Protected by Staff." The shot closes up on Reginafan's face as his shock contorts it. We pan from Josh's face as he approaches the door of his house, answering it to Valentina Cunning. "Did you find anything?" he asks without greeting her, and she walks in with her laptop in her arm, setting it down on the nearest table. "Not much," she says as she opens it up, sifting through some files. "When I search the Internet for this man, nothing seems to show up. It's as though it's hiding him." "So, what did you find?" Josh wonders, and she explains she managed to find a bit of a paper trail by going through the phone books and other records and discovered a pair of Kahns adopted a boy from an orphanage in Boston, so she called the orphanage and they said they'd housed a few Josephs in the past – one of which would be around his age by now. "That's it? All we know about him is that he was adopted?" "Well, I asked about the Joseph we're looking for and apparently he was found at a roadside when he was a baby. But that's all I was able to find out," Valentina explains. "When was he found?" Josh asks, and Valentina says the orphanage told her it was in 1993 – but she couldn't find it in any newspaper records online. "1993…" Josh utters, "21 years ago…" "Yeah," says Valentina, "Seems he's 21." Josh then spots something on the laptop screen and Valentina wonders what it is. "The time… in the corner of your screen," he says. "What about it?" "It's… moved…" he adds. "Yes…" Valentina confirms, "That's what time does, it moves forward." "Not in this town," the Mayor whispers to himself, and Val continues in saying she barely ever pays it any attention. "Leave," Josh commands. "What?" "Leave. Now. I have no further need for you today." Confused, Valentina shuts her laptop and gets to her feet, heading to the door. Reginafan is seen approaching a bridge in the Once Upon a Time Wiki. "DisneyMeerkats," he says, "I need you." The grotesque troll that is DisneyMeerkats then comes scuttling out from under the bridge and hunches at its masters side. "Master, you're free! What is it you'll be needing?" "I need to break into Wikia Capital in order to steal something from Staff. Can you disguise me?" he asks. "My disguises only work on myself," Disney says, clicking its fingers and turning into some blonde, before clicking its fingers again and transforming back into a troll, "Besides, even I can't get into the Community Wiki undetected; Staff's defenses are much too powerful." "Damn!" Reginafan rages, "How am I going to get in?" "I'll tell you how," says DisneyMeerkats, "You need Dr. Sonya." The Evil Bureau raises an eyebrow. "Hello, Dr. Sonya," Josh says as he sits down to breakfast at the local café. Dr. Brad Sonya, who's just leaving, greets Josh in turn, and goes on to ask if he can expect to see him at his appointment later. Josh replies affirmatively, and the therapist adds, "I'll see you then," before leaving. Justine soon arrives to eat breakfast with her father but she is disappointed when he pulls out a large trapper keeper. "What is that?" she asks, to which Josh happily replies, "I thought we could do a bit of planning for the wedding whilst we have breakfast." "Yay," Justine sighs. In hospital, we see Liz entering Natalia's room. "Hello, Natalia, I'm Sheriff Elizabeth Knight, I'm here to ask you a few questions about the accident that put you here." "The accident that put me here didn't even happen in this realm!" Natalia exclaims, "And my name isn't Natalia, it's Mary." Liz sits down on the chair beside her bed and says, "Now, I know this must be a confusing time for you…" "Actually, I've never been less confused," Natalia assures her, "I'm thinking very clearly. I know, for instance, that if I don't get out of this godforsaken hellhole, you and everyone you know will die." "Right… are you sure this isn't just the trauma speaking? I read your chart and there were suggestions of foul play—" "Law doesn't matter," Natalia states, "All that matters is that I get the Antivirus to access his full potential and end this hazy maze we're all stuck in." Liz stares at the girl, thinking she's seriously confused, and says, "I'm just gonna put down that you weren't up for questioning." Renato is sweeping outside The Sword and Hammer when he spots Lady leaving breakfast with her father. He looks at her with a longing look in his eye, but he becomes freaked out when he hears a noise from the car parked outside the bar – Joe's car. He peers in the window and sees Joe sleeping inside. He taps on said window, waking Joe up. Joe looks extremely tired and annoyed, but rolls down the window nonetheless. "Hey," he says. "Um, what're you doing?" Rena asks, at which Joe points out he doesn't exactly have a place to stay. "What's going on here?" Justine asks as she walks past with her father. Rena's eyes widen and he stealthily retreats inside, whilst Joe unrolls his other window and greets the Mayor and his daughter. "Are you, um, homeless?" she asks. "You could say that," Joe replies. "Wait a minute, I saw you entering my father's office yesterday. You're a friend of his?" "No, he's not," Josh quickly says, "Why exactly are you still here? All you seem to have is a car, the logical thing to do would be to drive away." "My car was barely driveable after the accident I had, the most I could do was get it to here. It's not up for a whole journey and I can't really afford this town's mechanic fees." "Well, daddy will pay to have your car fixed, won't you daddy?" Justine asks. "Well, I don't think—" "Won't you, daddy?" "Yes, darling, of course I will…" Josh concedes grudgingly. "Why, thank you, Mr. Mayor," Joe says in gratitude, and Justine adds, "There's a B&B a couple blocks away, I could phone them up if you like and ask them to give you a few nights for free. They'd do anything for their little Mayoress." "That's… amazing. I don't know how to thank you," Joe says. "How about with a check?" Josh suggests, receiving a scowl from his daughter. She then looks back at Joe and says it's weird – she saw him and she suddenly felt the need to take care of him; "Anyway, I guess I'll see you around." She then begins walking away with her father, and asks him, "Are you going to be heading to your session with Dr. Sonya now?" "No," Josh replies, "That's not until this afternoon." Reginafan2626 is seen meeting Dr. Sonya in flashback. Dr. Sonya has light purveying from his hands and runs this light up and down the Evil Bureau; DisneyMeerkats watches from by the message wall of Sonya's template. "And this process? It will make me undetectable in the Community Wiki?" "Yes," says Dr. Sonya, continuing to magic Reginafan, "Any security protocols they have in place will be fooled into thinking you're a member of Staff." "Amazing," Reginafan comments. "Told you," says Disney, "He's the best of the best." "So, why do you do this?" the Evil Bureau wonders, and Dr. Sonya explains, "I used to be a Staff member myself. Until one day, they decided they needed to cut numbers. Out of the blue I was stripped of my powers and sent back to live amongst the rest of us users. However, while I may have lost my wings, I did manage to retain some of my magic. And I've been growing it for years. Now, I do what I can to make sure those smug sons of bitches pay for what they did to me. They will be annoyed by what you do, won't they?" "Oh, Dr. Sonya, they're going to be more than annoyed… they're going to be devastated," Reginafan assures him; Dr. Sonya smiles. The light soon stops purveying from his hands and he announces that the process is complete. "Excellent," Reginafan says, standing up, "Let's go get that Virus." "You're on your way to get everything you ever wanted," Disney comments, but Reginafan says that's not true, for the Virus was only a means to an end – "Alas, I'm unable to steal Lady Junky in quite the same way." Justine is seen being walked by Josh back to her apartment. "Sweetheart, I don't want you talking to that man anymore." "What, the man in the car? Why not?" she wonders. "I just… don't like him," he admits. "You want him to leave town, don't you?" Justine realizes, and Josh nods, saying, "And that's why I will be paying his mechanic bills. But I don't want you doing him any favors. You can forget about the B&B – I don't want his stay here to be made any easier. You got that?" "Whatever, daddy," Justine says, rolling her eyes and entering her apartment, shutting the door on her father. "Hey honey," Ben says from the sofa. "Yeah, hey," Justine replies, uninterested, and makes her way into their bedroom. She takes out her cell phone and dials a number. "Hey, Keegan?" she says to the person on the other end, "Would it be alright If a friend of mine stayed for free for a little while?" Josh is sitting in his office looking out the window when he spots Joe heading towards the B&B. He seethes with rage and grabs the phone from his desk. "Hello, Mrs. Glitter, just a quick question: has Justine called you today?... She has, huh?... Well, thank you for your time," he hangs up the phone but suddenly bats it off the desk in anger. In a fit of passion he then wipes his whole desk clean, computer and all, and clenches his fists in rage. Suddenly, the entire desk sets on fire. Josh is stunned, and watches it burn for a while. He then flays his hands and the flames simply stop. He looks back down at his hand and conjures up a fireball. He then extinguishes it. And lights another. And extinguishes that too. "I have my magic back…" he says to himself with pure joy on his face. He then waves a hand and the door to his office closes. Reginafan2626 waves his hands the double doors to the vast Community Wiki palace swing wide open; he enters. "Great," he says to himself, "Now I just have to hope Peep's instructions were correct." Soon enough, Reginafan is seen entering a secret-looking room filled with artifacts, at the center of which is a USB on a raised platform. "The Virus," Reginafan realizes. He raises a hand and the memory stick flies into it. He looks at it with a grand and victorious smile on his face. "These doors aren't meant to be open," someone is heard saying, and Reginafan turns his head to see a brightly-dressed girl enter the room – MaryPierceLopez. She looks at him with a stunned expression and quickly hits the red button beside the entrance. A piercing alarm is raised. Natalia is seen in hospital, using the phone at the nursing station desk. As she does so, Joanna is seen heading to a secluded area of the hospital and looks down in her hand. A ball of magical, crackling energy is seen appearing, and she smiles. Joe is checking in at the local B&B, run by a poor couple. The lady, Keegan, asks how long he's going to be staying, to which he replies, "Just a few days." The man, Rappy, asks if Joe would like a forest view or a street view, but he says he doesn't mind, being handed a key soon enough. When he's walking away from the front desk, his cell phone is heard ringing in his pocket; he answers it. "Hello?" "Hi, Joe," says Natalia from the hospital. Joe is freaked out and asks the patient how she knows his number. "I know a lot of things about you, Joe. I know your phone number, I know you're real name is Jdg98 and I know that if you don't step up to your duties, everyone in this town is gonna die." "Yeah, how 'bout you go know those things by yourself and call me back when you're less crazy? Okay? See ya'." "No, Joe! Joe! Jdg—" He hangs up, and in hospital, Natalia throws the phone across the desk in anger. MaryPierceLopez throws some magic dust from her pocket at Reginafan2626, but he simply subdues it with magic of his own before waving a hand and making it so she's slammed against the wall, causing her to pass out. The alarms continue sounding, and Reginafan exits the room with the Virus still in tow, leaving Mary unconscious behind him. He walks through the extravagant palace that centers the Community Wiki. He soon makes it toward the open doors, only to have them swing shut in front of him. "Stop!" yells a Staff member from behind him, and Reginafan turns to see a female fairy in pink beside a male fairy in blue. A fairy in red hovers slightly behind. The two in front are Keegan and Rappy. "Sannse," he greets, "Rappy 4187." "Reginafan2626," Sannse recognizes. "The Evil Bureau," Rappy adds. Sannse asks how he got in, and Reginafan replies that they shouldn't have let Dr. Sonya leave the way they did. "Lucky for you, you won't be leaving," Sannse assures him. Suddenly, a team of Staff members appear with their wings and colors and throw piles of magic dust at Reginafan, but he simply raises a shield of magic and deflects it all back at them. When a fireball skims his ear, he splays his hand in a certain way and the red Staff Member slowly turns to dust. "Lucky for me, I think I will be leaving." "Only Staff members can teleport from this place," Rappy says, to which Reginafan replies, "Then I hope Dr. Sonya did his job well." Just as thousands of attacks are launched at him, Reginafan2626 disappears in a flurry of black smoke. Josh appears in a flurry of black smoke outside Dr. Sonya's office, out of sight, happy to have his magic back. He knocks on the door, and Brad answers, beckoning the Mayor inside. "Doctor," he says once he's inside and on the couch, "There's a problem that's appeared in my life all of a sudden, and I wondered what you thought the best course of action would be." "I'm sorry," Brad says, "I'm afraid I don't know exactly what you mean." "Well… do you think I should wait for the problem to subside naturally, or should I tackle it head on and make sure it goes away." "Mayor King, I'm afraid I can't offer my professional opinion unless I know some more details," says the therapist, but Josh is hesitant, saying that he can't really provide any. "Well…" Dr. Sonya says, pondering the situation, "Most psychologists would agree that it is healthier to deal with a problem yourself as oppose to ignoring it altogether… so I guess that's what my advice to you is. To tackle it head on so that it goes away." Josh smiles evilly and says, "Doctor… I was thinking exactly the same thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a problem to go and deal with." "This Virus should end all my problems," Reginafan says to DisneyMeerkats as he goes through the sack of ingredients the troll brought him, checking them off as he goes. "How did the talk with your daughter go?" Disney wonders, to which Reginafan replies, "Not good. Not good at all." He continues going through the ingredients, but soon notices, "There's something missing." Reginafan2626, scythe-in-hand, walks down into DeviousPeep's magic laboratory as she is teaching some of her student witches. When she sees the Evil Bureau approach, she tells her girls to leave in order to give them some privacy, and the young ladies melt into puddles of blood and flow away. "The hair of my worst enemy," Reginafan says. "Excuse me?" Peep asks, and Reginafan tells her, "That's the last ingredient. The hair of my worst enemy. You know it's near impossible for me to get anywhere near Rena Charming." "Oh," she says, "That. I had a feeling you'd stop by." "Yes, well, how am I going to complete the Virus without the last ingredient?" he wonders. "As it so happens," Peep reveals, "When I last paid a visit to our dear old Bureaus, I took a hair from each of their heads. I needed them for personal reasons, of course, but from Rena Charming's… I took two. I'd be willing to give you one if you're willing to negotiate terms." "Why are you negotiating? You're the one who wants the Virus enacted," he reminds her. "Yes, but you're not in a position to not negotiate; Staff is hot on your tail, you killed one of them… you need to enact this Virus as fast as you can. So, I'll give you one of Rena Charming's hairs… if you give me some of your blood." "Why do you need my blood?" Reginafan wonders, but Peep merely smiles, like she does. "I thought I told you," she says, "My agendas will remain my own. The only question that should be getting asked here is: do we have a deal?" Reginafan contemplates the witch for a moment, before shaking her hand. Much later, all the ingredients to the Virus are seen simmering away atop a bonfire, but Reginafan has yet to add the hairs. "I promised her I'd wait," he points out to DisneyMeerkats, but when the bells of the sysop palace are heard ringing, the Evil Bureau is sure of what he must do. He sprinkles the hairs into the mixture, and smoke and lightning rise from the fire. We zoom in on Reginafan's determined face. Josh looks determined as he knocks on Joe's door in the B&B. Joe answers and is surprised to see the Mayor there; he wonders what he wants and asks if this is about the mechanic fees. "No, no, that's all been taken care of," Josh assures, and Joe looks confused. There is a pause, and suddenly, Josh splays his hand in the same specific way he did in flashback – when he turned the Staff Member to dust. He awaits Joe's disintegration, but it doesn't happen. "Um… what are you doing?" Joe asks. "Nothing," Josh replies, waiting a few more seconds for the disintegration but giving up when nothing continues to happen. "Yes," Josh suddenly says. "What?" Joe asks, and Josh continues, "This is about the mechanic fees… I wanted to tell you… it's all taken care of." "Right…" Joe says, and Josh runs away; Joe shuts the door. Josh runs outside the B&B and round the corner. He tests his magic still works by turning a nearby bush to dust. "It didn't affect him…" Josh utters in a frightened voice. "It's him… it's definitely him." Tears leak from his eyes. Category:Season 1 Category:Episodes Category:Reginafan2626-Centric